When we moved from Melbourne to Canberra we were prepared for things like less traffic, easier parking and even less queuing. When it comes to traffic and parking I think our expectations were met but you wouldn’t believe what queuing is like in Canberra.
You can’t really attribute it to sheer population size – Canberra just isn’t that big. No – the truth is much more bizzare.
Unified Theory of Canberra Queuing
The “queue effect” in Canberra is primarily contributed to by a strongly held belief system held by all those who have lived in Canberra for an extended period of time. These beliefs are three fold.
- You aren’t allowed on the streets before 8am on weekdays, or 10am on weekends, otherwise the boogy man will get you.
- Public holidays are a sign of apocalypse, so you had better stock up before and after.
- Minimum staffing levels at peak times is the path to righteousness.
It is extremely dangerous to travel in Canberra on the weekends before 10am. No one likes to talk about it, but it must be true, why else would they remain tucked up in their beds until that time. I can understand some people wanting to sleep in – but if a population does it en masse then there is definately something spooky going on – bwwhaaaahhaha!
When it is a public holiday everyone obviously stays at home and prays to the gods to spare them, but before and after you need to get down to the shops and buy sixteen loaves of breed and enough canned soup to last you at least twenty years.
Milk doesn’t keep that long – but buy lots of it anyway so you can use it for trade in the short term trade, and eventually a tool to mark out your territory.
Naturally you need to pay in suffering for all the food that you have purchased so it is appropriate to stand in queue for twenty minutes while the one open check-out in the store processes each customer. Just because this happens consistently every week – even when there isn’t a public holiday is no reason to change staffing levels.
Welcome to Canberra – now take a ticket and get in line.